CHAPTER 13: DOLPHINS ARE DICKS - The Saga of Mark and Krissie

CHAPTER 13: DOLPHINS ARE DICKS - The Saga of Mark and Krissie
Max is still with us from Pop Culture Massacre.  We read emails from listeners who are dating each other... it takes up pretty much the whole episode.  Shoes full of cum, Dolphin oral sex, and more!

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CHAPTER 12: CRUSTY SOCKS - THEY STICK TOGETHER THEY STAY TOGETHER

CHAPTER 12: CRUSTY SOCKS - THEY STICK TOGETHER THEY STAY TOGETHER
Religion is our dark passenger.  Special guest MAX joins us from Pop Culture Massacre.  If you are looking for a new religion... stay tuned.  Elder Silas joins us as our possible first Adopt-A-Mormon candidate.  Orrin Porter is still MIA... we are worried, he may have been abducted by the Danites.  Please fast and pray for Porter’s safe return.  Watch South Park.  We got a donation!  Max talks to us about his religious upbringing and his transition out.  God’s diary.  Johnny Cuervo blesses us with Cake Shots!  In Utah, you’re either Mormon or a freak.  

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CHAPTER 11: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNY CUERVO

CHAPTER 11: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNY CUERVO
Nimrod conducts.  We are sorry we have been off the air for so long, Its all Nimrod’s fault. The second coming will be on Twitter.  Nimrod has one toe in???  He needs a therapy session.  ITS JOHNNY CUERVO’S BIRTHDAY!!!  We are in the temple of Cuervo.  Its been more than a month since we recorded.  Orrin Porter is not with us, and we don’t know where he is?  Garments are repulsive and unsexy.  Nimrod’s parents were freaked out by the temple.  Penn Gillette got Nimrod to ease up on Christians.  Matisyahu loses his faith and shaved his beard?  Nimrod is happier as an Atheist, but he’s re-evaluating his beliefs. We need to make Outer Darkness Garments!  Lady Magdalene and Bastard share their beliefs with Nimrod.  Nimrod is embracing Hindu and Buddhist philosophies again and he’s happier believing.  Bastard says it’s progression.  Cuervo’s drink of the week: Mormon Punch.  Nimrod don’t play drinkin’ games.  We talk Star Wars... Goodbye George Lucas, the reign of terror is over!  Recommendations - Bastard: 2 Gallants. Cuervo: David Lynch.  Nimrod: Trevor Hall.  

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CHAPTER 10: OUTER DARKNESS GENERAL CONFERENCE (1st Session)

CHAPTER 10: OUTER DARKNESS GENERAL CONFERENCE (1st Session)
Orrin Porter conducts.  Guest Joe Nimrod joins us to share his exit story. Wait... ANOTHER Nimrod???  Oh shit, Nimrod has a temple brother.  Johnny Cuervo’s sacrament drink: DUCK FARTS.  Also, we have NEW REVELATION from our Lord and Savior, Johnny Cuervo... He gives us our OFFICIAL DRINK of the Outer Darkness Podcast.  Nimrod has Mo-dar.  Kaysville is full of heathens.  We want to start a new religion.  Johnny Cuervo is the Savior of the Podcast.  Porter watched the whole fucking gen conf???  Porter gives us a General Conference Update.  Adopt-a-Mormon.  The mission age change, what does it all mean?  David Tweede’s disciplinary council.  MormonThink is causing Mormons to Think.  F.A.I.R.  Joe Nimrod (The OTHER Nimrod) shares his exit story.  We talk about Divorce issues and Mormon Exes.  To Be Continued...


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CHAPTER 9: EVE NEEDED A DEEP DICKING

                                  

CHAPTER 9: EVE NEEDED A DEEP DICKING
Part 2 of our BYU vs Utah football party.  We are on STITCHER, download that shit!!!  Email us... PLEASE!  SLC is the Gayest city.  Nimrod and Cuervo love Lesbian bars.  Bleached buttholes.  Gummi Vodka by Pinnacle is LEGIT!  Is Nimrod a Lesbian or just the Piano Man?  We adress our tweets.  We wanted to fuck Eve.  Noah Buildaboat gave us a front row seat to the temple movie.  We have devious plans to get into the temple and defile it.  Recommendations: The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor, Attack the Block, Ini Kamoze, Moral Orel, Silent Hill Downpour, Jack White - Blunderbuss.  We sit down with Cleopatra, Pebbles, One-Love-ya, and Chloe420 about their exit stories.  When should we give our daughters condoms?  Mormons hate their bodies.  If you have sex you’re a chewed piece of gum.  Mark and Criminal join us to talk about gays in the church.  

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CHAPTER 8: BACK OFF MAN, I'M A SCIENTIST (Recorded during BYU vs Utah)

CHAPTER 8: BACK OFF MAN, I’M A SCIENTIST (Recorded during BYU vs Utah)
Nimrod Conducts.  Lady Magdalene and Johnny Cuervo are back with us!  He starts us off with Root Beer Floats (the alcoholic kind).  We are recording during the Holy war, Good vs Evil, The Lord’s University vs The Sinners, BYU vs Utah.  Porter loves Obama.  BYU athletes have sex.  Any Jews on the BYU football team?  The 86 Rules of Boozing.  We talk Star Trek.  Hell is where the party’s at.  Rabbis suck baby pee-pees.  Scientists are perverts and Nimrod proves it.  Bastard wants to get spanked.  Cuervo blows us away with his Sweedish Fish drink.  Porter claims to have figured out the female vagina.  How many butts do you need to study to find beauty?  This episode is to be continued...

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CHAPTER 7: RICHARD DAWKINS WILL MAKE YOU HIS BITCH!!!

CHAPTER 7:  RICHARD DAWKINS WILL MAKE YOU HIS BITCH!!!
Nimrod Conducts.  The new Caffeine revelation.  Emails from YOU, our fans!!!  Brandon Flowers vs. Richard Dawkins.  Johnny Cuervo and Lady Magdalene are not with us.  We feel it would be blasphemous to make our own drinks, so we decide to burn one down instead.  IRIE!  Caffeine!  We want to have a coffee show.  Are you a barista?  Contact us!  Full instruction on how to finger a vagina.  YOU, fans of our show, are truly awesome!  We read your emails.  We get set straight on the varying degrees of Atheism.  Porter gets too high.  The Kinderhook plates.  We want a video game: Legend of Zelph.  The Gay Show, banned in Utah.  Nimrod is against marriage.  Mormon Teachings on Facebook.  Richard Dawkins made Brandon Flowers his BITCH!!!  Who, in the church, could get in the ring with Dawkins?  We don’t censor our podcasts.  The church bought ad space in the BOM Musical.  Porter comes back from the Moon, without 7 foot Quakers.  Nimrod tries to scratch his balls politely.  Legal drugs.  Recommendations: Strippers vs Werewolves 2012, Robo-Booty, The Matrix, Rage Against The Machine, The Raid: Redemption.  

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CHAPTER 6: WE GET MORE GEEKY THAN A BOOBIE-DOO!!!

Bastard conducts.  Special Guest: Baron Von Brightlie!  Johnny Cuervo and Lady Magdalene join us as well. Nimrod, Porter, and Bastard as usual.  This episode is gonna get real geeky!  We talk about the Religion of Comics and Superheroes.  NERD ALERT!!!  Johnny Cuervo makes us a Royal Carribian Fuck to start things off.  Hookers after Fantasy Football.  Bastard gives the recipe for Liquid Chlamydia.  Yeast flavored suckers?  Nimrod wants to dick-fight in the Celestial room.  Noah Buildaboat films inside the temple!  We want in.  Irish Car Bombs!  Who knows what a Chick-O-Stick is? Nerd Alert - HeroClix is date repellant and virgin insurance. Baron and Nimrod discuss the Religion of Comic Books.    The moral compass of Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and more.  Who is the hottest superhero? We have a boner for Rogue.  Cuervo’s signature drink is a Bart Simpson!  No chaser necessary.  Cuervo schools us on Scotch and Whiskey.  Hire Johnny Cuervo for your party!  He knows cigars too, we will have a cigar show in the near future!  Bart Simpson is a panty dropper.  We share our first alcohol experiences.  Cuervo gets a standing ovation, and Magdalene has to follow it.  Recommendations: Fantasy Football, Bullet in the Face, Workaholics, Capote, Can’t Stop Won’t Stop, The Mighty Boosh. EMAIL US!!! We want to hear from YOU!!!

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CHAPTER 5: THE BISHOP IS A BALL SCRATCHER

Orrin Porter conducts.  Johnny Cuervo and Lady Magdalene join us again.  Still on that Purple Penis.  Once you have JC you can’t go back.  Porter gets political.  Paul Ryan is a young Mitt Romney. Bastard doesn’t give a shit.   Mitt is the epitome of America.  In the future we will all be brown.  Nimrod gets his revolutionary politics from Star Wars.  We do not endorse the bombing of any buildings or government structures.  Bastard is probably Libertarian.  We hope you don’t agree with us.  Sikhs smoke weed in their temple?  We’re in!  Porter brings up gun control.  Nimrod retells the penis biting incident.  Ok, its getting depressing in here... Johnny Cuervo livens thangs up for us with drinks.  New drink, Magdalene’s Pie!!! If you love Key Lime Pie you’ll love it!  JC gives us the recipe.  Our rating system for JC’s drinks.  Magdalene’s Pie is Celestial.  Did your Bishop scratch his balls?  Bastard had some creepy Bishops.  Second anointings.  Porter gives us the run down on Mormon foot-washing.  Sounds like a swinger’s party.  Females use the priesthood, only in the temple, only on Sundays.  The Church has great marketing.  Porter is bitter and angry.  We give him an intervention.  BJ and Nimrod try to get to the root of Porter’s anger.  Porter gets pissed.  Lady Magdalene whispers words of wisdom.  Cuervo makes the best Wet Pussy.  Porter is SO DRUNK!!!!  JC heals Porter’s anger with one drink, he is a miracle worker!  Recommendations: Noam Chomsky - Manufacturing Consent, Ender’s Game, Porter says VOTE! (Nimrod says don’t).  Magdalene rates JC’s drinks.  

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CHAPTER 4: JOHNNY CUERVO'S PURPLE PENIS IS CELESTIAL!!!

Nimrod conducts. (Technical difficulties with the mics this week, so sorry). Special Guest JOHNNY CUERVO, The Bartender of the Great and Spacious Building joins us!  Drink recommendations and recipes fo that ass!  It’s Vodka night.  The Lovely Lady Magdalene blesses us with her presence as well.  Bastard discusses floating!  How many pumps before it’s considered “sex”?  Nimrod went to church last week, placed bets on criers and took the sacrament!  Porter doesn’t know about Lamanite wards.  Johnny Cuervo’s Sex on the Beach.  The best Mormon blog ever!  Lady Magdalene reads “Going Cowgirl”.  Johnny Cuervo’s specialty is a “Purple Penis”.  JC talks to us about his Mormon background, and how he became a master bartender.  Coffee is a gateway sin.  Our drink rating system.  Drinking advice for beginners.  JC shares his secret drink recipes.  CHECK OUT JOHNNY CUERVO’S DRINK RECIPES PAGE on our site - Brand New!!!  New drinkers need to practice at home first!  Liquor before beer... its a RULE!!!  The Purple Penis gave BJ cottonmouth.  Recommendations: Louie, Wiz Khalifa, Newsroom, Sandman, Bloody Red Hooker, and a shout out to all the ladies from Lady Magdalene.  Cheers and Batter’s Up are great bars.  

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CHAPTER 3: SIR, YOUR PENIS HIT MY EAR...

The Bastard Son of Joseph conducts. This is a long episode, BUT it’s still shorter than church!  You’re welcome.  We have a DONATE button on our site! Give us a fast offering and keep the show going... and you don’t even have to fast!  Nimrod is not drunk this time... YET.  Bastard gives Porter a vodka taste test.  Next week we will have a DRINKING SHOW with a special guest!  Porter wants to know if we like his hair.... WTF?  What is normal protocol if a penis bumps your ear?   We review Dark Knight Rises.  Would you kiss Joseph Gordon Levitt?  We talk about Aurora, CO.  Nimrod gets worked up.  Monson has Alzheimer’s??? Please let it be true!  What happens to the Church when Monson goes crazy?  BJ golfs with GA’s.  Did Brigham have brothels?  Smith and Brigham were like Snoop and Dre.  Have we become hypocrites after leaving the Church?  Is it our duty to “convert” Mormons to the dark side?  We talk about our beliefs.  Atheist vs. Agnostic.  Porter is the dark side missionary.  We go deep.. so deep...  We are out to piss you off.  Recommendations are Superman, Avett Bros, Preacher, Prometheus, Kid Cudi.  BJ retracts last week’s recommendation.  Fuck Twilight!  BJ says you need to watch In Bruges!  Listen to The Patois Band!   

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CHAPTER 2: GETTIN' SKIPPY WIT IT

Orrin Porter conducts.  Nimrod not quitting, just stopping.  We are in the Great and Spacious Building.  The missionaries don't REALLY care about Porter.  We're on Twitter and Facebook!  Add us.  We got email from a fan... and it's a GIRL!  The Businessweek Mormon cover.  We have stock in Burger King???  We want Whopper Temple Night!  Fox is liberal... in Utah.  Nimrod got drunk... again.  Skippy IS a virgin!!!  WE WANT SKIPPY ON THE SHOW!  The Ensign tells Mormons to stay married to their apostates.  We talk about shaving balls.  Has your pubic hair changed since leaving the church?  The Whitehorse Prophecy.  Obama is the Antichrist.  Porter is voting Obama, BJ is voting Bruce Banner.  How do Mormons view themselves vs. how the world views them?  What happened to Kony?  Mormons hate polygamy.  What'd you say 'bout my Heavenly Mama?  We give recommendations for stuff.  Nimrod attempts to give a drunken explanation of Superstring theory.... yeah.  Ted Talks make you smarter.  Email us!  What do you want to hear?

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CHAPTER 1: ONE TOE IN

In the beginning there was darkness... Our first episode!  Nimrod conducts.  
Welcome to hell.  BJ keeps one toe in... just in case.  No sex in the lower kingdoms?  Where does angel Nimrod take a shit?  Formal introductions of the panel.  BJ is a bastard, Emma who?  Nimrod joined because “everybody’s doing it”.  Whispering testimonies. The Bishop’s daughter makes referrals.  Porter is still on the records.  In the CHAPEL???  We take the sacrament... but forget the prayer.  We’ve been drinking. Porter shares mission stories. Tree of life showers. Can’t feel the spirit around all these penises! We drink to the missionaries. Nimrod was a Jack Mormon. Leaving the church... ahh the memories. Nimrod doesn’t think the brethren believe. Prophet hides his whiskey in the holy of holies. Nimrod is his name. Porter is the douchebag of heaven. Email us! How long does it really take to leave the church? Bill Hicks rollercoaster ride. This is the best part. Is religion good for some people? Why is everybody leaving? Porter is 99% Atheist. Nimrod is a cult survivor, now he is a Jedi. Do you believe in God? BJ won’t answer. Welcome to fuckin’ heaven. Atheists don’t get elected, but they make better decisions. God is a fortune cookie machine. Everyone is selfish. Our dark passenger. Masturbation. Do we really have female listeners? More weiner stories from the MTC. Nimrod is a lesbian.

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LAUNCHING AUGUST 5, 2012!!!!

Leaving the Mormon Church is only the beginning... This "of the world" podcast is recorded from the Great and Spacious Building in Salt Lake City.  Join Nimrod The Lamanite, Orrin Porter, and The Bastard of Joseph in this latter day guide to leaving religion.  These exmos (ex-mormons) show us how easy it is to move on with our lives in the big, scary, world of sin... and how much fun it can be.  Drinking, politics, sex, drugs, it's all covered.  Nothing is sacred. No topic is taboo. Consumption of strong drink and caffeine will ensue.  It's not always about religion, but we are definitely going to hell for this... (intended for mature audiences - NSFW)

Listen for the first Episode on Sunday Aug 5, 2012.  Coming Soon Bitches!!!